Have you looked back and remembered a moment in life when all you could hope for was a redo? Oh sure, we all know what happens has purpose and meaning, but when you act out with little regard for what you want, and instead your focus is to provoke another to react, a redo may be in order.
This week I was face to face with a past. I feel too involved to explain, but let’s just say it was a “big one”. This “past” was over a decade old and I’ll admit not only did I bury it, I shoved it so far into my subconscious I didn’t even recognize it when it showed up.
While old memories and present thoughts became one, my feelings began to enter unfamiliar territory. Not only did I believe this would never resurface, I felt an uncontrollable pull to run and hide. Really this is no time for games, perhaps this is my safety device making light of a situation that changed my life forever — or did it? I’ve always considered myself hopeful and at this moment I was feeling unsure. I realized plotting the end of a story doesn’t always work as you imagined.
In this case it was one of the moments I would do my best to disguise with the hopes no one would notice; one similar to a Twilight Zone episode with the twist at the end that seems to make you ponder longer than expected. Think back to the episode with the man who loved to read and never had any free time. Once unlimited time was available he stepped on his glasses destroying them, and there was no replacement eyewear in sight. See what you have, not what you don’t have. Without a doubt it’s a lesson worth remembering.
OK, back to the redo. I wish I could tell you all is well now and life is better than ever. The truth is I’m now stuck in an endless think tank without a solution worthy of exploring. Are some experiences really all they are cracked up to be? Will this episode in my life end with a resolution that brings light to one of my darkest moments, or was it really just a dream?
To be continued…