As I continue to uncover the world I play in, I recently discovered my lack of true male friendships.
Last night I was sharing pizza with a male friend I’ve had for over 6 years, sure that seems like a lot of years, but truth be told we don’t really know one another. Sure we can hang out and make jokes, but I realized how much I hold back on the people, (especially the men) I call my friends. Perhaps this distance game was started when I was told, “boys hurt girls” by my lovable overprotective Mom. Or maybe this distance started when my favorite and only big brother left for college. I unconsciously vowed never to be that vulnerable again. I remember crying in the backseat as we dropped him off at the airport and how I hid my emotions so he wouldn’t know how much he meant to me. This sometimes little 12 year-old girl decided relationships always end and it’s not worth sticking it out, so I quit every time, or in most cases avoid getting close to men. I am especially present to this today as my youngest son graduates high school tonight. I can see how every male relationship I have is an example of holding back love in some way, even with my two sons at times.
This month has been extremely hard for me. The growing pains are out of control! And this invisible distance I create has created superficial relationships that stop me from truly getting to know the wonderful men I have around me. I’m not proud of this and I can now see my actions are done out of fear…… fear of being judged, fear of being seen, fear of looking foolish, and fear of not being liked by others. I see now that I am missing out on true authentic caring boy and girl friendships. You know the kind of relationships that are based on a commitment to honesty, love and success for one another.
I take this moment to thank all the wonderful examples of men I can look up to in my life today. I appreciate you all for being there and never giving up on me.
Now go do something amazing for someone else today…
Love others for who they are, wherever they are. And always create more closeness and less distance. The world is your playground if you let it be.
I love my brother, Jon.